i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize