maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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