I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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