i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
