Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
