K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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