you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
