is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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