i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
