There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
