Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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