mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
