i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
