apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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