so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
whose parrot is this?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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