Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
