his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
