I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
