What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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