My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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