I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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