I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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