im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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