apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
