I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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