idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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