I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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