Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize