I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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