Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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