Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize