Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
