Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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