??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im holly from the hills drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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