so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
