oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
