I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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