I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
