oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
handjob tips. give me some.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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