he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
love makes seman taste better
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
