im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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