I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
