actually, I'm a sock model
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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