the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
