She is in my trunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
