its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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