Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize