So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
