Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
