Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
