i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
