Your mouth is God's brothel.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
