and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize