she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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