Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
