This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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