I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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