he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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