Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
