its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
