Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
