Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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