if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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