I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
